No One Could Know

Nothing could have prepared me for how it feels to see your autobiography on the shelf of a bookstore.

It’s boggling.

“No One Could Know” is my true, raw, account of choosing an abortion as a teenager, and later being raped. But the real story is all about finding forgiveness in Christ Jesus … and finding air to breathe again. Dealing with the fact that the dirty secrets of my life are oh so very public is enormously humbling. When we lay our souls open for others to embrace or reject, it’s numbing. But to do so completely free of the past, and pain, is liberating.

As an actress for Fire By Night (a Christian Saturday Night Live-type format show on TBN in the late 8os-early 90s), I once portrayed a high school girl who was dealing with suicidal thoughts, and an eating disorder.

I could relate to that, having been that very girl myself. So during the scene, with TV cameras and lights pointed quietly at me, and the set filled with other actors and staff, I purposed to draw from that past pain to surface the emotion and tears necessary for the scene.

But something happened … I couldn’t do it. The more I looked inward, the less pain I could see! I looked inside, and saw Jesus. “The love of God’s been shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost.” It was there, indeed. I’d been freed from the weight of shame! I pulled my face into my hands, and what were supposed to be jerked shoulder motions from crying, were movements of awe in the face of His grace that saved my life.

In that moment, I was enormously grateful to be sharing God’s love and freedom through the script – and looked forward to the day that I’d be able to tell my own story, not playing suicidal, eating-disorder-laden “Becky” for a TV program.

From a TV script (written by others) to an autobiography on bookshelves, my own truth is out at long last. I’m eternally grateful to the folks at Willie George Ministries and Fire By Night for not only being a ministry to so many in the world, but for impacting my life.

Another mind-blower is this: that’s my daughter on the cover, now 17, the very age I was when I chose abortion. When I look at my darling girl there on the Parables Bookstore shelf in Omaha, Nebraska, I see freedom.

Freedom for me, and hundreds of thousands of others.

Thank you to all of you who’ve prayed for this project, helped financially, or have purchased the book, and have shared it with others.

I pray for all of you to walk in the freedom that comes from a relationship with our great Prince of Peace, Jesus.