From time to time, I’ll share a guest blog from invited friends and colleagues. Meet Daniel and Jacquelyn Anderson — the father-daughter author team with a soon-to-be released book called “The 10 Myths of Teen Dating: Truths Your Daughter Needs to Know to Date Smart, Avoid Disaster, and Protect Her Future.”
A Father and Daughter’s Insight Into Teen Dating
Jacquelyn recently went to visit a friend stationed in Okinawa to hang out with her 3-year-old for a couple weeks. His name is Ethan and he is a tiny spitfire. A few days into the visit, Ethan was running around the dining room table in an attempt to avoid putting on his clothes for school. Her friend pulled the classic mom-reverse-psychology and announced “Okay, fine, no school for you today.” Faster than lighting, Ethan was in his shirt and running toward the car.
Sometimes when we tell your children “no,, they have a desire to do the opposite. This is uniquely true when it comes to dating. From our own father-daughter experience, saying a hard “no” to dating just forced Jacquelyn’s dating life underground. She was definitely not alone among her friends in getting involved in secret relationships.
Here are 5 possible signs that your daughter is in a secret relationship:
- She is insanely protective of her cell phone
Yes, they are usually attached at the hip to this thing, but if it seems more than usual it could mean that she is protecting her communication with a certain someone. Cell phones are the lifeline for anyone in a relationship, especially one that is a secret. Privacy is very important to your teenage daughter, so this is a tough issue to tackle. But both my daughter and I believe a phone that is password protected is an invitation to secrecy for your daughter.
- She is vague about the details of her plans
Girls are communicators and planners by nature. If she doesn’t have concrete information for you about where she is going, what she is doing, and with who this might be a sign that she is hiding something from you. You should ask many questions about her plans. This is no guarantee she will be honest with you, but at least you will have a few details that you can verify.
- She is acting differently although nothing has appeared to change
While mood swings are common for teenagers, be cautious of a drastic change in attitude or even your daughter’s appearance. If she used to ride horses and wear pink, but she suddenly comes home and wants to buy an all-black wardrobe, this could mean that she is being influenced by an outside source. The all-consuming rush of hormones that comes with a boyfriend can cause your daughter to lose sight of some of the things that were once important to her.
- She wants to spend more time than before at a specific location
If your daughter is lactose-intolerant, but suddenly wants to get ice cream daily after school, this could be a sign that she is hiding something from you. If she suddenly wants to go to youth group two hours early, but never has before, there might just be a certain someone there that she wants to spend time with. Changes in routine should be acknowledged, particularly if there is no other obvious catalyst for the change.
- She experiences a change in friend groups or loses friends she once had before
Out of all the possible signs, this one is the most alarming. As your daughter dives into a secret relationship, she will need to clear out some serious time in her schedule to plan to see her boyfriend. This could mean putting friends that once were close to her on the back burner in favor of her secret boyfriend, his friends, or both.
We talk a great deal in our book about the need to communicate and teach your daughter about dating rather that just forbidding her from dating. But, if your family agreement involves not dating then it may be wise to consider the possibility that your daughter could be in a secret relationship. The book is now available on pre-sale at Amazon.com.
With many Daniel Andersons in the world — even other authors with the same name — I’d like to direct you to this particular Daniel Anderson’s website: thetenmythsofteendating.com.
Thank you, Daniel and Jacquelyn, for sharing such an important message.
Copyright © 2013 · Kristan Gray. All rights reserved · Contact: kristanshan@gmail.com