No One Could Know

January is a paradoxical month.

Its arrival is celebrated globally with watch parties broadcast around the world and I’m always happy to see the 16th roll around, because that’s my birthday. Other family birthdays fall around mine as well — all reminders of a fresh start and a new shot at life.

However, there are two other January dates that put a morbid spin on a month that should otherwise be a fabulous celebration: The anniversary of Roe v Wade and, interestingly enough, that landmark court decision coincides closely with the anniversary of my own abortion.

As most will admit, an event like that is unforgettable. Like most who’ve had an abortion and have experienced rape, like I later did, I battled suicidal thoughts, alcohol addiction and other Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms. Most every day on the calendar, revealed some sort of reminder of my past. Around these landmark dates, shame smoldered through my veins all-the-more.

But those parts of January are different for me now than they were in the earlier years, because at my invitation, Jesus Christ stepped into my life and changed me altogether. I reached inside my heart of toxic fear and shame, gingerly peeled back a corner and shamefully showed Him. It was no surprise to Him, of course, and true to His word, He did not condemn me (Romans 8:1.) Instead, His love for me wholly saturated my heart and washed my blood-stained sin as white as snow (Isaiah 1:18.)

He took the grief of death and pain and breathed new life into me again.

Jesus is not a magician — He did not wave a wand or cast a cleansing spell. He’s better than that. His primary goal is building relationships, because His very core is LOVE. Love isn’t what He does. Love is who He is.

Long before I chose abortion, I’d made the life-altering choice to give my heart to Christ. So, I knew Him as my Savior, but I’d never known Him as “The Prince of Peace.” I didn’t know all that the Bible says about Him. If you’re trying to shake off any sort of shame, sin or pain of any kind, I urge you cast your cares on the Lord, because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7.)

If that seems trite to you, don’t give up. Sometimes our minds are too deep-rooted in darkness, but when you shine the light of God’s word into darkness, it will flee — He promised. When we renew our thinking every day by spending time reading from His promises in the Bible, we are being transformed. Soon, you’ll look back and realize how far you’ve come.

“For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.” — 2 Corinthians 1:20