No One Could Know

Why should young, single, healthy guys and gals refrain from sex when it’s such a natural act? Consider this excerpt from my book, “No One Could Know” — Chapter 13: That Momentum Train—Why Abstinence…

 

So why is sex before marriage considered sin in the eyes of God when He’s the One who invented sex in the first place? I had no idea, so I set out to gain more insight into what He may have had in mind.

First of all, we know from the Bible that God is all about relationship. The Bible reveals an amazing thread woven throughout every book from the beginning to the end. It’s called the “blood covenant.” Here’s the deal: From cover to cover, God outlined “covenant.” That term has lost its much of its meaning in our world today, but it’s potent.

In the beginning, God told Adam to “take dominion” of the Garden of Eden because there was an enemy determined to trash it. We know how that turned out. Adam and Eve realized their sin changed their environment and their standing with God, so they made clothes out of fig leaves to cover their sin and shame. For the first time in their lives, they felt embarrassed so they proceeded to create the first man-made religion: “Don’t worry, God. I’ve got this ‘covered’ with my ‘fig-leaf-ism.’”

I did the same thing. I tried to cover up my sin with something ridiculous so no one could know. Then, I’d buried myself beneath masks of pretending to be someone else—anyone other than who I really was.

But pain has a way of oozing into every crack we try to otherwise fill with activities or over-talkativeness, alcohol abuse, over-eating, drugs, or even sex—anything, everything to hide the shame. Left untreated, pain can turn into emotional gangrene, cutting off pieces of our souls, leaving bitterness, anger, resentment, depression, suicidal tendencies, or the desire to lash out and hurt others.

God saw my face behind the masks—and so did my mom. God sees right through to our hearts and is there waiting to better our circumstances, if we’ll only ask Him. He promised to never leave us or forsake us! (See Hebrews 13:5 New King James Version, emphasis added.)

The Bible says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38–39, New International Version). God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners! (See Romans 5:8.)

God knew that Adam and Eve’s fig-leaf clothes, albeit stylish I’m sure, were no comparison to what they really needed, so He initiated a restored relationship by seeking them out; they’d been trying to hide from Him. He’s also endeavoring to deepen His relationship with each of us, even while we’re trying to hide from him.

The Bible says, “The life of the flesh is in the blood.” (Leviticus 17:11 King James Version). God slew the first animal to provide the life-giving blood necessary to create a cover for their sin. God then made new clothes for them out of the animal skins.

Isn’t it interesting that when we happen upon a vehicular accident, the way we determine if the victim is dead or alive is to check for a pulse? A pulse indicates that blood is flowing through the person’s body … it’s the sign of life.

How are animals cloned? By blood. Scientists know that if they’re going to create more life—it has to come from a life source. “The life of the flesh is in the blood,” just like the Bible tells us.

Blood sacrifice covered Adam and Eve’s sin. God saw to it that life covered death and reunited mankind to God.

Fast forward to Jesus coming into our world. He didn’t merely cover our sin, but He washed it away altogether with His blood that He shed on the cross. (See Revelation 1:5.) That is why it was vital for Jesus to lay down His life for us on the cross—once and for all.

Did you ever make a blood-promise pact with a childhood friend? Many of us ceremoniously cut a finger with a Swiss Army pocket knife with our best friend; we intermingled the blood with a secret handshake to seal the deal of our being “friends forever.” That is a blood covenant.

Many third-world tribes practice the blood-covenant ritual to symbolize becoming one in every part of life: “What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine. That includes my army, my protection, my provision, my wealth. I take your debt and share the payoff; your enemies are my enemies—we are together in everything we do.”

Thus the marriage blood covenant—God said when the two are joined together they become one flesh. Something spiritual takes place. A man’s body was skillfully crafted by God to fit perfectly with a woman’s body. At the initial joining of a man with a virgin, an amazing blood covenant occurs for them when the hymen membrane is broken and blood is present from the woman’s body. There’s no medical purpose for this to happen. It was designed by God who created our bodies as a sign of a life-giving covenant between husband and wife. The word covenant is supposed to mean something: it’s a promise, a vow, a contract.

When people operate their lives by reading and following God’s owner’s manual, the Bible, everything performs like a well-oiled machine. When we go back to making our own fig-leaf lives, we get into hot water and lose that place of dominion and joy in life. According to the Bible, we don’t get through the pearly gates with a ticket punched full by our own “good” deeds. Jesus paid for our freedom when He donated His life-giving blood “once and for all” (Hebrews 10:10 King James Version). He was raised from the dead to new life and anyone who believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. (See John 3:16.)

So, abstinence is a nice theory and everything, but how do people in today’s culture not have sex when living together before marriage is so widely accepted and even teenagers are allowed to have sleepovers with members of the opposite sex? Our eyes are desensitized by the media’s sex and flesh frenzy, and fashion designers are sexualizing even our youngest girls. The topic in so many television shows is about “hooking up” with someone. A person cannot watch one evening of prime-time television without being exposed to premarital sex and women being objectified.

Even many young girls today may say that if someone does not want to have sex, they “just have oral sex”—but the act of sex, by the way, involves any “private part” of the body that would otherwise be covered by a swimsuit. Oral sex is sex. Oral what? Oh, oral sex.

So how do you “just say no”? My cousin Lindsey Griffith granted me permission to use her “How to Say No” list with you. The list is in the appendix at the end of this book.

While it’s good to have such a list up your sleeve, there are other practical ways to save sex for marriage.

First of all, what is real love? How does the Bible define it?

Love is patient and kind. Love knows neither envy nor jealousy. Love is not forward and self-assertive, nor boastful and conceited. She does not behave unbecomingly, nor seek to aggrandize herself, nor blaze out in passionate anger, nor brood over wrongs. She finds no pleasure in injustice done to others, but joyfully sides with the truth. She knows how to be silent; she is full of trust, full of hope, full of patient endurance. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4–8 New Testament in Modern Speech)

Troy Hillman of The Truth Ministries posted a blog about these verses that I find interesting:

When we examine pre-marital sex with this passage (1 Corinthians 13) in mind, we can determine the following: it [pre-marital sex] is not patient, it does dishonor others, it is self-seeking, it does delight in evil, and it damages trust. True love must wait for marriage, which sex was designed for. I have also heard it said, “We are going to get married soon, so why not?” There is an issue with this kind of thinking. If you give into temptation now, before marriage, what’s to stop you from giving in to temptation (adultery, for example) during marriage?

True love does wait until the wedding night. Love does not push another person to do something he or she does not want to do. Real love will help the boyfriend and girlfriend save themselves for their wedding night, so their marriage bed will be pure. When we love someone, we set them up for success by setting healthy boundaries.

One woman I know told me that when she and her husband were dating, they were together for quite some time and he never even tried to kiss her. She wondered if he really liked her, so one day she finally “made a move” only to have him say, “I’m saving kisses for my wife.” Now that’s impressive protection of both their purity and of their future marriage. It was also a great way to show his date he respected her and he respected marriage. Furthermore, he knew where he wanted to establish his boundaries.

I sure wish I’d established some sort of line in the sand before I started dating Brock. If I had set the brakes on a sexual relationship before it got rolling, like I’d done with “the Octopus,” then a book about my life would read much differently today.

If you feel it’s already too late for you, it’s not. God’s grace is here right now to help you, and He will love you through to the end. Abstinence spares countless sexually transmitted diseases, prevents abortion, keeps people from feeling used and wanted “only for one thing,” and keeps relationships wholesome as God intends them to be. Abstinence in a relationship also builds trust for fidelity after the wedding vows.

The amazing thing about God’s grace is that it’s free. Living in a God-centered relationship provides the ability to not have to deal with issues of jealousy, because you know you can trust the other person. And, you behave in a way that the one you love can also trust you; true love doesn’t “boil over with jealousy.” (See 1 Corinthians 13:4 Amplified Bible.)

The Bible has much to say about not participating in sex outside of marriage, but God does not put the ability to have intimate feelings inside of us without providing tools to control those feelings until we are in a proper married relationship. God tells us our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will guide you in the way you should go—even when your stomach is contending for that second helping of food or that entire half-gallon of Neapolitan ice cream. The Bible is loaded with practical tools to guide us. We don’t have to wander through this world without being surefooted in what we were created to do. “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” (Proverbs 4:23 New Living Translation). He promised that if we do these things, we will surely have great success.

Following God’s plan for intimacy by keeping sex sacred and preserved only for marriage makes every relationship healthier. When we hop from bed to bed, it’s not merely our bodies that are at risk for sexually transmitted diseases; our emotions are affected because we leave a little piece of our hearts there on the sheets with every encounter.

And guys—a girl who works at keeping herself pure for you to sweep her off her feet and live happily ever after with most certainly deserves a man who has saved his eyes, thoughts, and body for only her. Likewise, modest behavior should continue after the wedding vows to help prevent infidelity. That includes guarding our eyes from pornography. Pornography is a trap of Satan and easily leads to addiction!

This amazing thing called sex that God invented is powerful. When practiced improperly, however, even presidents and ministers are not immune to sex scandals, and the abuse of sex impacts nations. This is certainly the case with diminishing life-expectancy rates due to AIDS in Africa. This dreadful disease has knocked out most of the working age segment of society, which in turn impacts industry and the economy, and creates millions of orphans. Africa’s life expectancy rate is less than half of America’s because of that disease.

Sex is sacred. When it’s kept that way, the sex life is gloriously filled with freedom and joy—not fear of hurt, rejection, and disease.

See thetruth-blog.blogspot.com/2011/05/why-wait-for-marriage.html, Sunday, May 1, 2011, accessed August 21,